Purplemadness

Deteriorating

2010-04-18T07:11:00.000-07:00

Yes my health is deteriorating.

n my life is really mundane...

work home sleep

work home sleep

thats what i do mon-fri..

i dun even go out wif love often...

let alone wif my frens...

wif my bestfren... only lpak tts it...

boring... i noe...

i dunnoe..
im tinking of staying on on this job for few more mths before i find another job...

waiting for love to reply to my msg or better still his call...which i noe he wont call...

niwaes, tomorrow have work....

haiz...

oh yarh i need a new blue otton dress for nureeqa's bday.. maeb gg shopping on 30th may... have to get myself a new dress n love a new tshirt.. maeb i get him tt jacket tt he wants as well..

oh yarh i need a new phone...my samsung longkang phone is about to give way already..haiz...

will update soon i hope...

2010-01-25T14:06:00.000-08:00

Always a bridesmaid and never a bride...

but at the end she became a bride..

will that happen to me??

ive always been there for my frens...weneva they have probs wif bf..always the matchmaker for ppl

n indirectly...i help ppl find their perfect match n tt is after they noe me and u noe wad...

but i can never find one for myself...

n freak...in 1 mths time or rather in 29 more daes... ill be 20...no more teen...haiyo...y must i get old so0o fast..alot of ppl say age is just a number
yes... but age is also ur maturity level..live up to ur age.. ppl respect u...if u dun... ppl look down on u..haiz...

anyways,looking for a perm job nw..3 more weeks till i end sch..seriously,to me it doesnt matter hw i score..as long as i graduate its fine wif me..tinking of getting a job then clear debts.. den enrol in cosmoprof or the one at far east n oso enrol for license..

oh yarh..gg to try to lose weight..like seriously..n im nt kidding... will try...
been tinking of playing soccer back..or any sports game uh... haha... i dunnoe where to start though..ahha...maeb wif jogging..ahhahaha..really nid to start to get back my stamina....

im kinda losing my appetite now..i dunnoe y... bt the weird ting is i only get hungry like late 6 pm or 7 pm
then will force myself to eat at 2 plus am or 3 am..just so0o tt i dun vomit the next morning..but i wont sleep after eating...

haha..just like todae... did nt sleep at alll
yest woke up at 10 plus..till nw... hahah... will be havg sch later at 3.30 pm... hmm.. i just want sch to be over...

anyways read up on sum stuff about the girls system.. i tink i shud go for a check up... i mean the feedback is saying tt its normal to have the pain... but till the extend tt i cant walk wen i have the pain is too extreme...

tis few daes.. ive been tinking bout him..especially after wad aisyah says... y was i so0o dumb to let go of him... n i dun tink theres any ways for me to get to him back..unless its a miracle..

been reading paula's blog.. i guess wad she quoted is kind true... i hope it i.. n i will find my way back into his arms..

hopefully..

nw suddenly, i feel tt i shud have gotten married to him tt time.. hhaa.. at least ill be stuck wif him even if it was an unplanned wedding... ahaha...dreams n hopes..

oh yarh tt day i dreamt or dreamboy again..
o dreamboy where art thou dreamboy??
hahaha

i still have no idea who he is..
is he d love of my life or is he just a guardian in my dreams to lead me to the right path in my
dreams tt can be a reality..

signing off..

Who are you???

2010-01-10T13:09:00.001-08:00

I know i have not blogged for a long time..and i dont even know who reads my blog..or rather is there even anyone who reads my blog...

Anyways..its the new year...

but evryting is the same.. except that im a year older n tt im graduating soon..but i feel like i dun want to end school..i dunnoe i just love to be in sch..to be in a class.. MAeb my passion is for school.. haha.. i guess thats why i really want to teach..

Anyways... i udn tink i have found myself yet.. as in i still dunnoe who i am.. n tis has been gg on for a whole of 5 years..n maeb counting.. i dunnoe.... but what i noe..i hve to changed myself for the better...i hope....

Have u guys ever felt that u just hav no one to hav fun with.. cos all ur gfs have bf....n tt sumtymes to just have a guy bestfren is nt tt sufficient cos of unable to share sum stuff wif him...

i dunnoe... just that i feel really off tis few daes...haha...can u believe that sat nyte was spend wif sort of a stranger-a friend that i have never met... then bestfren hafiz picked me up from town to go to the clinic at cck..hhaha...

sun.. slept from sat nyte till sun afternn 3pm...woke up...called hidayat..den he asked me to help wash his car..but me being lazy didnt go..ended up he fetch me frm my area..talked den took a ride for no purpose to go to gmbak n sat under one of the void decks f0r 15 mins...den went to yew tee to find perfume.....

Wad the heck!!...i am alone... like seriously,, where have all my frens gone to...haha...i guess i have already eliminated a bulk of guy frens that i have... nvm..i can try to adapt to tis...hopefully..

sun-date.. turn out to be sweet even though it was unromantic still...we talked... n for the first time he hold my hands.. i could feel myself blushing..haha... i dunnoe...i mean..ppl may say that its just a small kid act... like amateur.. but i find it seet n the feeling is just...nearly perfect...hahah

Sumtymes i feel like we r together but sumtymes i feel that we r nt... which i still have no idea of what we r...

but i wish he knew how i feel wen im around hime..sutmymes i just wish that he noes bout tis blog... n that i have the courage to tell him hw i feel...

niwaes..adios amigos....sayonara...chow...adieu...au revoir.. chai chian..

will try to update soon..

i wish

2009-12-30T09:23:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h8Hgp150Eno&feature=related

was listening to this..
then it strikes me...
what if??
i mean im really really close to him.. we cn even consider ourself as close frens.. as bestfren..

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music fill the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

But all of this r just my side..i mean i really dunnoe bout him.. but he did show sum stuffs yest wen we wre at the libry... hehe..
tis 2 wks was great... i had 2 meets wif him..

1st was we watch budak pantai at esplanade concert hall...it was great..i had a gd time der especially tt it was wif him..
2nd was yest.. we went to the library cos i wanted to go..hahaa...
there was just those moments that we were so0o close tt i felt all squimish n excited inside..haha..
n wen i look at him..i just felt the happiness tt i feel wen im wif my family..the warmness of it..
i dunnoe..
even if the places tt we go r nt exactly the most exciting places.. but it just gives me a happy feeling n will owaes make me smile at the end of the dae...

i dunnoe if im in love wif him or isit one of my lust moment..
1 yr soon..tts the period of time that we noe each other...

i still rmember evry single conversation...the outings that we had which was nt romantic but still wass sweet n gave me goosebumps..positive goosebumps.. haha...

i feel like telling him..but im scared that it wil ruin everything or worst wad if he only treats me as a fren...
but then ...the way he is... oh god...i dunnoe...haiz...
5 jan gg to watch sherlock holmes wif him... 1st time movie wif him... hmm

niwaes..i still have alot of probs...financially n emotionally...

n i will owaes wish for all of this

if only...

2009-12-20T06:10:00.000-08:00

I wish i knew...
i wish tings was much more simpler..
i wish decision making was easy..
i wish love was easy...

i wish i cud tell him hw i feel for him..but everytime i want to do so.. i pull myself back.. cos im scared he does nt feel the same way as i do..
i mean there are signs.. but i might be wrong..i mean its like.. he's not that into u...
like seriously, he is just a fren who gives me advices.. but will it turn out as the same ending as he's nt that into u..??
i wish..n i shall continue on to do so...

weneva i c a couples photo,it will make me tink...y cant i have a rship like tt...i owaes wish for one... but i can only wish for it...

i miss my rship wif amirul....haiz,...

the-so-unromantic-date-but-i-love-it...

2009-09-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

Yest was a mixture of the happiest n not so0o happy day of mine...

haisho.. basically, the dae starts wif me n my 'prangai babi' i slept like almost the whole dae...hahaha...woke up at 4.30pm.. called hidayat... den he said he nk klua n asked me out... hehehe... so0o i had to tink of sumwhere to go n dcided to buy tings for baking cakes..

our convo:
me: tapi u..i nk beli brg2 cake... den naik motor.. brg2 muat ke dlm box??
him: tklah..tk naik motor..
me: huh??? beh naik ape???
him: naik kenderaan
me: kenderaan? kenderaan? yelah kenderaan ape?
him: kenderaan 4 roda.
me: huh? u mane ade krete? eyh.. smenjak bile u ade kreta? sape punye kreta? knape ade kreta pulak?
him: sbab ade kreta.
me: ape ni..
him: jumpe di carpark umah jam 5.15pm... kite pegi ke red man jrg east ok?
me: ok.
him: bye. (hungs up)
me: bye.(saying bye to beeping sounds).....

tis is hw mundane our convo it..but still i find joy in it..hahah..n weneva izzah hears me telling her... she will go : mrepek nk krg due nie,....hahahah

haha... instead of 5.15.... he reach 5.10... haiyo...i rushed to get ready..den meet him at carpark... the car was super small..hahahha...n super low... suzuki gti.... hahha..its a 17 yrs old car..haha..im lyk 2 yrs older than the car...hahaha...
but tts better than his 23 yr old gg-to-collapse-anytime-bike....

so we drove of to jrg east while listening to 92.4 fm ... u guys try to tune in to it n u will noe wad songs they play..was damn bored lah..haha.. but wad to do... he listens to tt songs... hahhaa...or rather music... in the car......

convo in th car:

him: knape warna rambut sudah bertukar ?
me: kerane hendak warnekan?
him: wads the reason for doing so?
me: saje je.. kerana sdah lame tk warna kn. u mrh ?
him: (smiles) tidaklah..tk suke je...
me: but then.. dah buat... im sry...
him: wad does it gt to do wif me.. seriously.. its ur hair..
me: i mean i dha tau u tk suke yet u do it.
him: den y tk tink of tt b4 doing it..
me: (silence)
me: but then u pon same.. i said dun nid to buy the car cos tk perlu... but u buy the car jgak..
him: no its different. wad r u trying to say its totally differnt..
me: no its the same wad.. i told u nt to buy the car but u buy the car... same je kn..
him: no..me buying the car has got nothing to do wif u..
me: oh its like tt nw? dah i mls nk gado..
him: since wen kite gado..
me: ok fine bicker....
him: hahah....
me: but then....then y does the color of my hair nows link to u..
him:(smiles) (shook his head)
me: hmmmmph.... den y neva cut ur hair
him: sbab u nye rambut dah lain warna..
me: wad? tkde link sey u.....
him:(smiles)

i noe... the convo tt we have are lyk illogical n gg nowhere..haisho....

tt nyte he said tt he wont talk to me cos of my hair...unreasonable...sheesh...
but nevertheless i cried after hearing tt...ahhaha

ok ok... emotional moment ok..i just cant go on not talking to him at all... i just hav to talk to him if nt once a dae, once in 2-3 daes will oso make my dae..heheh.... oh yarh yest was our 5th meet-up ever since knowing each other for 8 mths now...n it was only after 4 mths tt we meet again since we last met...hahaha.... ok i noe pathetic...but wad to do...haha..he is lyk tt... but i loveit...

redman at j.e.. closed down so we went to sheng shiong..
reach shengshiong... we rushed to find tings... n to him all the tings tt we need to buy have to be in large quantities..( wen i only nid a little amount of it... )

another convo:
him: tu baking powder kat bawah.. tin merah besar...
me: huh? nk uat ape.. i nid the small one je..
him: ok... blh buat basuh baju..
me: (roll my eyes)

haha...den we went off to the carpark..ahha.. tis is wen i feel so0o dumb..

me: eyh..kreta u ade boot?
him: nk tgk? (opens the bonnet/boot)
me: kecik nah..bhe nk masukkan sini..
him..tkyahlah.. kat seat blkg je..
me: eyh cmne nk bukak gi seat blkg... tkde pintu...
him: masuk dari dpan lah....
me: oh gtu.hahaha.... ok...

one of my bimbotic moments..hahahaha..

niwaes evrieone is in it.. n im out of it again.,...ahhaa...

2009-09-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

Credits to cuddly_buddy

Hmm.. Where should i begin.. I guess you really don't know how i feel about you.. How i have change for you.. How deeply am i in love towards you.. All this time our love is just a fake?? Those years spent were just a play make up by our feelings..?? I really don't know what to feel or what to say now just have to go through depression mode for awhile..

I really really do care for you.. Do concern for you.. But whats the point when you yourself don't even bother about me.. Don't even care about me.. As if i don't exist.. If only i can show you how my heart shape right now.. The pain i go through every night.. The tears that keep on flowing every night.. The feeling of being not love..

Who do i cry out.. Who do i seek to share my pain.. My agony.. My miserable life with.. If its not for you.. But what are you doing now.. Falling for your ex... Isn't falling for your ex will make you love him in the end..?? I really don't understand you.. What do u seek..?? What do u want to gain..?? What do you accomplish by doing this to me & yourself..?? Do you feel happy treating me this way..?? Do you feel happy by doing all those things towards me..?? Do you..??

You met your ex.. When i was still in love with you.. When you still treat me like we are together.. Why.. Why couldnt you just tell me that you have found someone to make you happy.. To make you smile.. To make you laugh.. Where do i go from here.. I am really lost without you.. All i can do now is cry out my pain.. My suffering in this blog.. In this webpage..

All this time.. I keep questioning myself.. Do you really love me in the first place..?? Do you really cherish me in the first place..?? Shouldn't love be forgiving & accepting one another even though we have done shit or treat each other like hell.. Shouldn't love be beautiful rather then sadness.. Pain & suffering.. Im lonely.. Very lonely without you..

I guess thats all i can say for now cause the story is very long..

This copy pasted post make me wonder... does karma really exist... n does it really happen tt fast.... or rather....things does repeat itself... histories repeat itself... either u r the victim still or the other person becomes the victim... the above post tt i have credited.. really reminded me of wad happen 2 yrs ago.. especially when the blogger wrote all this time our love is just fake?? to think of it..that was wad i said to my ex 2 yrs ago when he told me he likes his god-sister.. n i told him u cannt like someone when u love someone else n wen u start liking d person u will love d person... i guess wadeva i said to my ex 2 yrs ago is the same as wadeva tis blogger is saying... i guess things does happen...

as for me..nw currently werking..but prolly changing job...haiz... nt sure yet..

love life... still suuckz..hahahahah im a 'love-maker' but i am not a 'love-lover'..

hahha....

will update again soon...

i dunnoe

2009-08-23T14:18:00.000-07:00

Seriously i dunnoe...

I mean for the first time ever i gave a guy who have seen me in person my number. N so0o far i kinda am falling for him but then i dunnoe..i mean its too fast...

n if i really go on wif the feelings..wad wud sammie tink bout me...

i mean he gt her number first ( god knows hw he had her number) then he wanted to get to noe me after knowing tt she is att... so0o den i talked to him..we talked for more than 3 hrs.. n i havent sleep at all... n i dun tink i will be sleeping...

As far as i noe... he is d kind of guy hu will give me the rship tt i want..i cn imagine izzah rolling her eyes when she read tis..haha i noe... most guys that i noe i say the same ting as well ryte....haha...but then this is different.. seriously.... haha...again izzah will roll her eyes...haha..

i dnnoe... i just wish tt it will werk... seriously..he is just wad i want....

haiz... i dunnoe..

niwaes its fasting mth.. its the 3rd dae.. n to tink of it..time will pass by very fast..n before we noe it.. it will be raya.. n i still have nt by any clothes.. most of my frens have already send theirs for tailoring..

speaking of which... who wud i be coupled wif this yr..haha... yarh ryte..no bf..no coupling... if only miracles wud happen... haha.. n tt prince charming of mine comes just before raya or lyke during tis fasting mth..hahaha..it wud be perfect...i wish..

wishes..wishes..wishes...

n i wish for u...

hide n stay

2009-07-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

i wish tings was better...

i just wish..

people wont lie

i just wish tt evriting was much simpler

i just want to erase all my past memories...

i dont lie...therefore... i dont want others to lie to me...

i hope bf is nt lying to me..

alone

2009-06-30T04:21:00.000-07:00

No one stays....

Everyone come n go...

its difficult to find sum1 hu really stays...

seriously...

i dunnoe hu will stay..

so0 far.. they stay but they tend to forget...

its just tt.. u r owaes there... but wen u needed sum1..u feel lyke theres no one...

sumtyms...i just feel lyke i rather be alone... lyke seriously...

i cant lyke go tru it..

lyke tinking u have sum1 wen u needed sum1 but wen u really needed sum1.. u found out tt theres no one...

i wish n i really wish... tt ppl wud stay...

n be there for evrieone...

saviour..

2009-04-21T03:02:00.000-07:00

I guess... patience is really a virtue...

n that patience will bring out the best in evriting..

even though i just learnt hw to really wait.. im happy tt i have suceeded..

almost 4 mths... n since tt.. only on person tt i really really have fallen for..yes there r sum tt i had a crush on... but only to one person tt i really2 fell for..

he is oso d one tt made me changed my ways..

most of the tyme.. its only his calls im waiting for..his msgs...
i learnt alot from him..he is also the one tt made me realize who i am actuali n who i was eons ago.. n he owaes push me to do my best.. he wants nth but the best for me..

my mum noes bout him.. even though we r nt together...my mum tinks we r..funny ting..hahaha....

but i do wish it happens.. well my mum approved of me talking to him... but she dun blieve tt we r jsut frens n tt we have nt met each other..

but i dun understand..he wants me to meet him... but wen i ask him to accompany me.. he does not want to...

im confused..seriously..

shud i go public??

2009-04-16T20:41:00.001-07:00

Photos first kae peeps

Shazri a.k.a Ajitoto... hahha craziest-sweet-funny-hot tagged friend who now is friends wif my bestfriends.. hahaha

For bestfrens....

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i am thinking if i should go public... hmmm wad do u tink....

2009-04-14T18:34:00.000-07:00

should i cut my hair to this or to the pic and remain having black hair of the previous post wif the highlights as well... ?????

i cant dcide

HELP ME SOMEONE!!!

fickle

2009-04-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

credits to the gal above.. im just using her hair highlights for example.. any comments?? if i do it lyk the above pic??

btw tinking of higlighting my hair...shud i... im waiting for it to grow as well...so0o slow sia...

isit true that im fickle? lyke wad izzah says...

haiz...

i wish i knew bout myself more..

sumtyms it feels lyke i dun even noe who i am... or wad i want..

i let ppl dcides for me..

for all i noe...

it has always been tt way cause wadeva i want i dun seem to get it..

tt shud prove a point to those hu owaes says i get wadeva i want n i can get any guy i want..

y does ppl owaes tinks tt i hav an easy life...

y do they tink tt i owaes get wad i want

y do they tink tt i get the guy whom i like...( if tis is true.. ill be getting hot hunks queueing for me..)

i noe i dun really make my own stand.. its nt i dunnoe hw to.. but i just cant be bothered.. but if im right then i will take the stand... if nt i wnt be bothered...y prolong d matter... if prolonging doesnt solve aniting..

2009-04-07T01:05:00.000-07:00

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clouds..plz fall for me

2009-04-03T00:19:00.000-07:00

yes im wishing that the clouds will fall for me.. i am not kidding...

cos im falling for clouds...

n i hope clouds can accept me for hu i am...

i just feel very comfortable wif him...

we were just net frens.. den sms fren..den calling fren..den..
it leads to frequent night calls...

we cud basically talk about aniting...seriously...aniting...
frm fugu(pufferfish) n oso banks... n oso the weather...and our fav topic as well is the clouds...tts y i name him clouds....

after 3 mths of being frens...he hinted to me yest tt wwe shud meet... but i didnt get it..until he said it directly...

but im scared tt i really2 fall for him...

n seriously he is too good for me..

i noe the cliche line whereby wen a guy or a gal wants to brk wif their partners or even when they found sum1 new they will owaes say.. its nt u its me...u r too good for me..
but seriously..he is too good for me...

the best part is the way he takes care of me..his care n concern as a fren...

im tinking of getting him a wallet...
he says he does not used it..
but i tink he shud...
n im oso tinking of getting a frame wif a picture of the after rain clouds or a sunset clouds... wif fugu n robot... hahaa....

btw i miss bestfren...i miss sottb...

n oso... i will miss clouds...

gg off to kl tonite...

hahha im sad... but will clouds be sad?? i dunnoe...he sounds sad...but i dunnoe..

but ill just let it be now...clouds is just diffrent...he isnt even interested to get to noe anione... they way he talks is different...the tings tt we talk about is oso diffrent....

signing off....

will be back on sun...

next week will be gg to Melaka and Port Dickson.

dum dee dee dummm

2009-03-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

3 more weeks to school...

haiyo...

i miss bestfren..

i feels more closer to hidayat..

i am dating alvin...

i am still not ready to be wif anione...

basically tts to summarize wadeva tt is going on in my life..

update again soon

sad

2009-03-12T00:19:00.001-07:00

Seriously evrieone..i tink the whole werld noes tt izzah is my bestfren..

but theres this 3 gals who r special to me.. fyza, syiqa n sammie..

we went tru alot in sec sch.. understand each other.. but distance n new ppl n commitment pull us apart..

during our 1st yr.. the other 3 has new clicks.. i was d only one hu stayed.. i tried to bring all of them together.. to go out.. but they were bz..n i understand tt they have new commitments..

soon as my effort was lyk gg down the drain.. i dcided to move on.. but i only move on wif 1 person..izzah.. shes lyk the one whom i owaes meet go out wif..spend all my tyme wif her.. but i still talk to the others..casually meet wen ders lyk special occasions..which is rare.. soon i really gave up ..but i still have them in my mind n in my heart...

wif the probs that i face the past 2 yrs... i cudnt get them involved..not wif the kind of company tt im with..

now i have leave tt life n i wish to bring us back together..but it is so0o dificult.. cos they say yes n suddenly they just cant..

i wont give up..ill try again.. even if it hurts me.. or even if it makes me cry evry nite... the value of the frenship is bigger than aniting..

but i noe izzah understand..n she noes tt we wont be separated no matter wad.. cos our frenship is engraved in our heart..

n i wish for the four of us to b together again as sottb..

Izzah help!!!

2009-03-02T00:28:00.000-08:00

Zah... tlg aku check kan tau termination fee brape... n oso.. blg kn seme org plz plz jgn carik aku or cntact aku.. nnt seme dah settle aru aku klua dari persembunyian ok???

love u syg..

was listening to the radio at werk...

if i were a boy..
a new rendition..wif the guys reply..
isit true tt sumtyms u can't follow wad others say?
u hav to follow wif ur heart.. cos the only person hu noes nest is urself..therefore the only person hu noes best is himself.

the moment i hear this only one name popped up in my head.. Amirul.. i hav no idea y... haiyo..nvm forget it.. moving on..

im gg crazy..3 posts in one dae...im bored tts y

lost

2009-03-01T22:41:00.000-08:00

Letting go...i just realize tt i hav not let go of my 1st real love.... Aidil.. but im truly trying my best to let go of him..

As egoistic as i can be..i realizes it nw.. tt all my rships failed is nt entirely due to the guy.. it was also due to me.. i was the problem..i hav not let go of tt love for him.. maeb tts the reason y i cud not love amirul fully or as sincerely as i can..

if i was given a 2nd chance..i would like to apologize to amirul.. n be his again.. but i noe it wont happen..theres no means of contacting him nw... nth at all.. so0o i will just let it go.. if really its meant to be..then it is meant to be..

As for aidil.. i am really2 letting the feeling go.. he is happy wif her.. even though i am angry bout evriting..i just hav to let it go in order to move on n frm nw on take it slow..really2 slow.. wadeva it is.. if there is one sincere person in tis world who will want to have me.. be it... ill just let tings go wif the flow..

for nw my head is hurting ahaha... dunnoelah..my guy boss put tis incent tingy for buddhist prayers or sumting... evrieone in the office cant stand it.. (not being racist or aniting.. i still respect tt it is his religion and is his believe.) the office is air-conditioned of course..so0o the smell sticks around for a very long tyme n it rides up to the head...

moving on moving on moving on..

i just want someone who would be my fren.. n will be an honest and sincere fren to me.. (other than izzah.. i tink u shud noe wad kind of friend im talking about)

haisho

2009-03-01T20:35:00.000-08:00

its getting worst...i just have to endure..

now i miss izzah alot...n i really mean alot...

im sry fikri
im sry hidayat...

n im really sry to hafiz...izzah...iskandar...

i didnt mean to drag all of u into tis...she's lyk tt..evrieone is lyk tt..they like to make small ting bcome big..haiz..

i miss u lah izzah..haiz...

just hav to endure for 1 mth..den back at sch n im able to meet u zah..

ok zah...part yg fikri in the previous post kan aku blh cair..but lex..chill aku masih keras lagi...ahha...hati aku masih keras..
haha..psl aku tk tau hati die cmne pe..hahah... perigi tk cari timba.. tapi die terlalu baek utk aku... hahha..

aku rindu ko nurul' izzah bte omar.
nth can separate us...

la dee daa

2009-02-26T17:14:00.000-08:00

isn't there anione in tis world who is honest n single... ??? haha...someone who wouldnt lie at all... who is honest in his rship or wen knowing someone new...

im tired of all tis... like evry single person who knows me..must lie to me... haiyo....

anyways..wed met up wif the fav 4...hahah...another half was already dah...wait for hafiz..as usual late..we were at tw mac..as usual...syam was workingtt night... then we went off to lot..meet is..den wen to sit at 35 sumting..haha...talk crap...den izzah realize she left her ciggie box at mcd..she was super sad n werried..den fikri came...haha..as usual..they moment we meet..we cudnt stop talking..hahha.. den went to lot 1 again...funny convo...haha is is..

me n is convo:

is: kwn ko tu dulu sec mane?
me: umm..chestnut..
is: oh..psl muke die mcm kwn aku.
(is turns to fikri)
is: muke mcm ubai.
me: name die kan ubaidul fikri..(walked towards izzah)

me: zah..hahah... ade is ckp muke fikri mcm ubai..dah tentu die ubaidul fikri...lagi leh ckp muke die mcm ubai..
izzah laugh like hell...n is paisey like hell..hahaha..

fikri: name ko sape?
is: ryan iskandar..

me n izzah: perasaan!!!hahah...

so0o to cheekylicious, ryan iskandar n apiz...i love u all...hahaha

yest went to sch..den bb.. slack till 7 plus..den met fikri..he sent me hme... 1st tym ever.. n sumting happen..ahha..i dun even blieve lah.. haha...wen crossing the road..he grabs my hand n crossed.. then we had to walk tis dark path.. n as i have night blindnes...n he know bout it..he held my hand n lead me tru..hshaa..send me till my house... haha...ajaib...

cant wait to meet the fav 4 again..

suppose to go out wif fikri todae..but i nt sure if i can go or nt..wish me luck..

at werk again... bored...

adiosa

old

2009-02-24T17:08:00.000-08:00

I am freakingly old....hahaha...tis yr is the last year of my teenage life.. 1 more year and i will have the big fat 2 in front of my age...haisho...

yest was quite great...ahha..my love or shall i call her another half went to meet her bf..haha..sammie join us yest...hahah..us will refer to the favourite 2... haha.. Is n hafiz...hahaa...zah..we shud call ourselves the favourites haha or favourite 4...hahah... we just favour the companion of one another..ahhaha... niwaes chilled at sammies den off to lot to eat tako.. den off to bb.. den meet bobby at bb for awhile.. den pool-ed...den hme... mummy n aunty's bdae... yes our bdaes r just one dae apart..haha...cool or what..ahhaa...

reach hme...bathe etc...den at 8 plus my sis n cousin aunty wif her daughter eesha..barge into the house..ahha..eesha holding a cake..nayahahaa...surprise sia..1 cake for the two oldies...n 1 cake for me..ahhaha... cute or wad... den clebrate for a moment..ahha

Robot aka hidayat called me...we talked crapped all the wa..but he is lyk super cute..as in in terms of the way he talks...haha..n he told me tt he is freakingly tall...189...lyk wad the hell...hahah...giant!!!! nyahahaha..wad to do.. its in his genes.. n sumting is telling me he is mixed.. hahah... weneva he says r..or any werds wif r..will make me smile...haha..r karat..but he manages to say it in a way tt it sounds like an eng slangs...hahah..

our conversation on the phone before we used to talk lyke long hours..

robot: Hello ayu ade?
me: ye robot? hidayat kan?
robot: ye..haha..
me: oh..ok..
robot: uat ape?
me: baring2
robot: nk tdo eh?
me: soon uh y?
robot: oh..ok gi tdo..bye.nytes
me: huh? oh ok..nytes... tdo ni... bye

toot toot toot...hhaha..n he hangs up...

yest funny convo wif robot..

me:robot r u watching suria?
robot: no.. okto.
me:oh...got cartoon?
robot:no lh.
me: oh gt icarly
robot:no.. now watching ,myth busters( according to wad i heard was -knees busters).
me: (did not hear properly) knees busters? huh? wad isit about? the bust their knees?
robot:(did not hear properly oso) yarh sumting lyk tt..they do experiment to prove if its wrong or true.to prove the myth(i hear knees)
me: oh... for wad sey..
robot: dunnoe..

after 10 mins..

me: r u watching that knees busters?
robot: yup.. still watching myth busters..they just prove a myth wrong.
me: myth? huh?
robot: yelah myth..thats y its called myths busters.
me: cn u spell tt?
robot:M.Y.T.H.S
me: oh myths..lol...hhaha..i heard knees..
robot: huh? spell:
me: K.N.E.E.S. knees lutut.
robot:lerh.pekak pulak...
me: haha..sorry slh dgr lh..
robot: mrepek mrepek...

hhaha..kekek siol...

today at werk...someone bring me out tis wkend pls..i nid enjoyment..haha...niwaes fikri suppose to bring me out on fri..haha..buying my bdae present pe fik? hahha..i cnt blieve it..hahhaha

love my syg alot....u noe hu u r my another half..,

btw thx to those who wished me..nyahahaha...other half was d first amon the rest of the friends to msg me..ahhaha... thx syg.. den fizah..den sammie.. den bobby...den fikri..padahal he waslyk chatting wif me since 10 pm..hahaha...

ok thx ppl...will go out together soon kae..

bored

2009-02-22T16:39:00.000-08:00

at werk..

alot of tings has been happening..

i made a huge mistake...but i think it can be mend..shud b...hopefully...

btw im tinking of settling down.. am i really ready??

let time tells.

niwaes 2 more daes to 19...haisho..so0o old...hahahah..i dun even noe hw i am clebrating it...tis yrs bdae seems very quiet... hahaha...but tis yr is difrent. 2nd yr clebrating w/o any bf...hahaha... its ok...i have izzah..hopefully she is free to go out wif me.. n hopefully she didnt forget..cos tis sat she oredi has a date..so0o i guess hav to chaNGE plans another dae lorh..

update soon..nid to sart werk..

oh yarh... gt shortlisted for SPF.. I dunnoe if it can be differed or nt...hopefully can..

au reviour

million apologies

2009-02-18T19:24:00.000-08:00

Million apologies to izzah...i am serious... im really sorry izzah...i didnt mean to..plz...

i hope u forgive me plz... .

I am so0o SORRY MY SYG IZZAH...

and boredom kills

2009-02-15T22:53:00.000-08:00

yest was ok... but quite stressful...

met up with izzah at teck whye...chilled for a moment.. then she have to meet her bf...then separated wif her..so0o decided to meet irfan n gang...which includes izwan... then i realized that my clips are with izzah..so0o i had to go town and meet her...reach there transfer the clips.. then wait for izwan... alot of tings happen..haisho..izzah fought wif her love.. irfan found out bout sonya...izwan got hurt cos seeing izzah n love.. then in the end i broke down cos cudnt take it anymore..being the middle person...

at nyte play pool..damn hilarious..it was fun wif them... den there was those sweet moments wif sum1..cant help but to fall for him..haiz...hhaha..went home together..then izwan called..we talked till 3am..then i fell asleep..

now im at werk..1st dae..mak oi..call here call there...tiring... hahaha... ssum of them damn funny..some flirts sia...anyways..werking nw..will blog more tonight..

i cant help falling for u...

bestfriend meet bestfriend.

2009-02-12T19:57:00.000-08:00

let the pics do the talking first..

went over to bestfriends house... then at mcd...as usual...dunnoe where to go..nid to rush tru assignment...haisho...didnt go for test tis morng...25% gone...haisho...fail jgak sia...anyways...

had a very tiring dae yest.... but fun...

out wif irfan n frens together wif my the other half( nt refering to bf as i dun even hav one) watch them jamm.. then to jp... then to cck chilled wif hafiz n fareez..then hme... started on my assignment... but then gt call frm irfan..lyn him n hear him out...then.. wan (richi) called hear his woes... then back to hearing irfan woes.. until 4.30...was doing my assignment while talking to them...then fell asleep at 4.30.. woke up at 7 todae...rush tru budgeting..print sum of the assignments until 8.50..rush to take taxi..ahve test at 9..in the end neva go...cos i broke down in the taxi... n then went to bff house...haisho...

stress level gg up... sumtyms feel lyk givg up sch... haiz..1 more sem den project...hw can i handle tis...haisho...

if only he knew...but i can bring myself to let him know..

photos galore

2009-02-11T19:09:00.000-08:00

yest was FUN...yes...Superb.. irfan woke me up at 8.30..but i went back to sleep n woke up at 9..then rush to get ready..call izzah n wake her up..met up wif her at cck..haha..she was early..irfan was already waiting at the platform..haha..

izzah: hensem.

ayu: terlalu hensem sgt..

haha....went for check up then izzah just had to donate blood at HSA.. i guess she has too much blood in her body..hahah... irfan accompanied me to NDC waited till im done then off to find izzah..after tht we went to bugis to send irfan to skewl..ate at tong sen..den chilled at an alley bhind a building. then went off to cck to meet hafiz n fareez..slack ard till 7.. then off to home..feeling miserable.. ws supposed to do my assignment but ended up sleeping..at 12 am..irfan called tlked till bout 2.30pm..then gt a msg frm naz asking me to watch him play soccer on sun..leceh lah die nie..jauh lak tu..hahha at yusof ishak..

the msg sent to naz:

me: alah paisexpe(paisey)

naz: paisexpe tu ape

me: kua dge u

naz:lah malu pulak..jgn tkt i tk mkn org..i byk ckp

me: u knl?

naz: sape?

me:ape yg knal sape?

naz: kae..nvm.. 4get bout it. lmbt eply?

me: i tertdo.haha.

naz: u want to slip?go ahead lah.i want to slip but i cant..i really cant.

shine upon me plz..

2009-02-10T03:49:00.001-08:00

the bestfriend and me...hahah....i dun look chinese kae..its just the eyes..

Boring dae... went tw just to buy u noe wad...then went to meet izzah..so0o blue todae...ahhaah... den went off to cck took train to jrg..izzah to wdls. i went to boon lay..pegi sane aimlessly..didnt even agree to meet anione..so0o dcided to give him a kol to wake him up..

Went to his place...smpai je tdo...hahah.. prangai babi dtg... ate maggi.. den watch mein hoon na.. ok i shall give two thumbs up to tis hindi movie..hahah.. then watch traitor..so0o draggy at first but then the climax was great... one thumbs up and a horizontal thumb(imagine ok) hahah

told u todae was boring..hahah..even the post is..haha... anyways... cnt wait for tmr cos i noe tmr chilling out with bestfren and brothers..hahah... habeslah duit gini.. hahah

put me to sleep

2009-02-09T05:44:00.000-08:00

Can i just sleep and nt wake up?? so0o emo..haha...

today nth much happen..as usual..hilarious jokes and actions... n i was as usual the clown of the day..

went to sch.. return equipment.. discuss here n there...went off to alif.. ate macaroni goreng.. sry izzah tk abes...full lah..hahaha... den as usual go csc..hahah.. the two of us being a snow queen.. as we r sensitive to sun... we took a taxi to csc..haha...$3.20 sia... agak2 kene maki sia ngan apek..hahaha.. the ride was just like less than 5 mins...go straicht turn left n left again...there we r.. hahah...pathetic kan kite due..hahah.. played pool..nizam was der werking..haha..had a small interview session by him..haha...dah mcm police..interogate org..haha.. and as usual win by default.. but i did win ok wif my own effort... nizam nearly forget my ic again..or as usual sngaje lupe.. hahah....

one of the conversation:

Ayu: Nari tk keje yg full time?

Nizam: Tk.. mlm baru..

Ayu: asal mlm?

Nizam: psl keje DJ.

Ayu: Ape J?

Izzah: hahahahaha lol..

Ayu: oh DJ..ahaha...sry2...

Nizam: shakes head n smile.

haha...too many funny convo n oso the part where i gt iritating wif him by asking him alot of y questions n him layan-ing me...hahha answering to each single question..

One more incident tt became the joke of the dae..haha

i was standing by the pool table.. there was another group playing oso bsyd us..

Guy: Excuse me.

me: oh..sorry so much.

Guy: look at me one kind.

Izzah: hahah...sorry so much? wad the hell. tk pnah sak aku dgr..

me: hahah... aku terpranjat trus terckp sia..

Me izzah fareez n hafiz lol lyk hell n cudnt stop..hahah... since when is there such a phrase..sorry so much..

btw zah..he was nt checking me out...he was checking u out ok... hahah

den went to chill at our usual under the void deck..played heart attack.haha..nt as violent as the one at ecp..phew... ciggies were lyk free flow..haha..then farid called me.. met him at west mall.. so0o dun look like 21.. hahah but a cool dude..easy going.. sweet smile..wif dimples..hahaha tap tatoo.. mak ai..haha.. 6 or more maeb..but overall ok lah..at least tk fanatik..hahah

lost in taiti again..hahah as usual.. den went off to bbdc.. a super short trip.. like waste tyme pegi sane..but cos of hafiz.. i shall shut up..ahahah..

tmr baking oreo cheescake hopefully menjadi..insyaallah..

paint me a rainbow n sing me a song..im yours? haha.. if u r ok for me.. im damn choosy...

colours

2009-02-08T04:29:00.000-08:00

new fringe
old fringe

which do u prefer?? haha... i cant dcide which 1 is better..

or shud i perm my hair again...

paint me a rainbow and sing me a song..im yours...

im nt kidding...

but its more than just tt...

tis past few daes was hell.. fri.. rush for filming frm wdlands.. after watching the wedding game..boring show... reach upp serangoon there for filming...all went well..it took only 1 take and for less than an hour. Victor and Carmen are super nice... to tink of it most of our future might be in his hands...hahah... ..

i miss sum1..alot..

all is gone

2009-02-02T18:07:00.000-08:00

Yes.. all is gone... i am not wif him now.. n i am happy as i can be..

But... i do have someone new in lyfe now...Things wif him are ok.. but his insecurities towards me are just too much. I guess tts wad happen if u r a hotstuff!! hahah..kidding... I guess tt is wad happen if u hav too many guy frens and ur old lifestyle haunts u.

First of all..i changed alot now tt im wif tis new guy...n i really mean change.. Theres no other guys..no more blind dates..no more meet-ups.. N i dun even need to lie to him to go anywhere.. hahah..

Enuf of him.. now my bff...NURUL'IZZAH BTE OMAR.. i cant live without her...hahah...shes like half of my soul,my body and my heart. Wherever she is, i am there... wherever i am, she is there....hahaha... LEsbian couple we are...

YOu know when people says that if they could turn back time they would do this and that.. But if anyone ask me.. My ans would be no.cos if i turn back time, i wudnt be able to meet izzah.. wont be able to have a wonderful time..and wouldnt be happy for the rest of my life..

School life has been terrible...haha...as usual.. skip here n there..nearly get debarred...but luckily for appeal given a 2 nd chance...haisho... anyways... projects are really2 annoying..especially 3D...haisho..

anyways..looking forward for the holidaes... no more school...wee... 3 mths..den 3rd year... so0o fast...haisho..1 whole sem of school... then 1 whole sem of project....hahah...tortorous...

it scares me..therefore..repenting n changing..

2008-09-17T15:01:00.000-07:00

Yes my GPA scares the hell out of me. n i shall change myself...

i always tink tt there was sumting missg in my life..i tout it was sum1 special... tts y i broke up alot... but nw then i realize...it wasnt my rship...it wasnt me..n it wasnt them...it was d feeling tt i lost...the feeling tt i neglect...the feeling of stress n hardwerk... for 1 1/2 yrs i neglected my studies..nt doing my best... n still i pass... just wonder wad if i had study... at least a B?? or B+...better still maeb even A... haisho...i just threw evriting away..i myself dun even noe y...nw i just nid to strive..even if it means spending less tym wif him... i hav to stick to my plan..

its either i catch the last plane...or miss it forever... pick an option...definitely the 1st one...

one of those rare moments..

2008-09-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

me: wad if i ahv to be far frm u?

him: i dun wan dat to happen,okay?

me: even if its for my studies?

him: u can just study here in spore..i cant bear to be far away frm u..

me: ok syg..n u made me cry..im so0o touched b..

him: huh? y r u crying? wat did i say?

me: lagi u leh tanye..nvm..just tt i didnt noe tt u really2 love me alot

him: nw u know??

n he is still oblivious to it.. n cn change the firewerks mood into im a dumbass mood..

n all of us r in love....

2008-09-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder if sum tings r worth the wait??? well i did not exactly wait actualli...hhaha counting the multiples of tyms tt i gt in n out of rship...ahaha...

anyways.... 1 1/2 yrs of frenship... lead to sumting more than tt.. couple.. i dun hav doubts in tis rship but im still trying to adapt to it...seriously... we hav been too long as frens..n being together means spending more tym... more talking tyms wif each other... n etc... which i dun really lyk doing...haha...nt i purposely dun like..just tt nt in favour...due to the crampness n tiredness of my hand after sumtym..hahah... n i rather fill up my tym lazing ard...

oops i actualli forgt to mention who i am with now... well he is AMIRUL.... yes... he is the guy hu does not reply my msg weneva i msg him... tts d guy...d guy tt i almost give up contacting..n the guy tt still strive to cntact me despite me ignoring him just to tell me his feelings towards me... he may nt be the sweetest guy on earth.. but his candid sweetness at certain moments neva fail to melt me...n i prefer tis rship better than the rest...nt tt mushy nt tt romantic..yet it has its firewerks....

he may nt be my dream guy appearance wise...yet im still wif him... i guess looks does nt really matter... but he did help me.. he help me to realize wad i hav lost...looking good... even though if u r ok..u still nid to present urself better...hahah...

izzah is now wif azizi..like finally... nad so0on ot be wif dan... each of them looks gd together... tt rminds me... izzah ever said to me.. sumting lyk me n him lookg gd together as a couple... maeb she is ryte..i dunnoe..ahaha...hopefully evriting goes well for the 3 of us.. n nad's dream came true...all of us falling in love together at the same tym...the trios BFF.. in love...

but im sure the three of us love each other more...

rmember gals... inseparable???

quote of the day: if struggles means life than i rather live in my dreams..

saying it to0o so00on...

2008-08-28T19:28:00.000-07:00

N the same thing is going to happen again.....must waeva i say comes true-negatively that is for me.... i dunnoe... i mean i typed tt sentence out onto my shoutout..n 1 wk after tt it is really happening again...the same ting..the choices tt i hav to make xcept tt wif difrent ppl now...

A- knew him for 1 yr plus... trust him cos i know him inside out... n he knows me inside out...wad more can i ask for...

M- knew him lyl 3 mths ago...gotten into tings wif him...the only tings i noe is tt he is a drugger.. n hopefully he is not nw... he does hav a temper.. his sister is a supermodel..he loves his bike.. n he willing to pay aniting for me wen he has d money...= golddigger me??

i dunnoe...seriously... all ever wanted was for A to accept me for hu i am..i owaes tout he wanted to change me..n tt i cant accept.. he went ' missing' for an entire 2 whole months before looking me up...n tt 2 mths of 'gone missing'.. was his 'decision-making' getaway. wad do i mean?? hmmm.... he took tt 2 mths to figure tings out between us... was he ready... was he really sure tt he wants me.. was he sure tt i was d one...

well all tt i can say is tt, it sure takes him a hell lot of tym to tink about it... 1yr to be exact... 1 yr to figure out tt he wants me to be his... n knowing him..i noe he is serious..n he wont play me out...he is nt tt kind... he noes my frens n family...he's cool wif evriting tt i do... n theres just tt sumting special... its called 'progression'..heard bout it?? the feeling is great... seriously... from frens to liking to love... u just hav tt sense of u noe tt sum1 n u can neva ever say tt u do not noe hu ur boyfriend is...

normally, gals complained tt their bf's r diffrent before n after they r together- negatively of course...but for A is the opposite... lets just say... we were really at frens level until he decided to come back to look for me after he had already made up his mind... taxi fare...late nights at the doorstep....late nights call tt i ignore yet he keeps on calling..(i gt 10 miss calls frm him in less than 3 mins.) but still he does rmain being the guy who goes dutch all the tym... but.. he says it wont be the same nw-fyi: sumtyms....

M on the other hand...is difrent...a gentleman frm the start.... distance tear us apart... i mean .. im west...he is east... talking about poles apart in distance... we r poles apart in nature...but he is willing to accept me for hu i am...welll eventually after dating me for 2 wks... i cant blame him..he is skinny...n im as evrieone noes on the bigger side of the width- fat...hahah... well it is awkward for him to be wif sum1 lyk me....cos.. he lives wif a model, his ex-gf is hot n pretty according to him... as far as i noe.. hav no idea... one ting... he does love me... n again... isit true love??? i doubt so0o...y...ive neva ever tink tt i want him forever n im scared tt he wud change... i dun even tink i want anione forever...its too early to say it...

choices... a wrong decision can cos me my happiness in life... if to dcide based on my family's ideal kind of guy... M is a no-no..well they disapproved of him oredi.... A they hav known him since last yr...

ok tis is making me frustrated...if my life was as simple as d advices tt i gave ppl... wudnt it be much more easier... tt is y i owaes say.. i help others in their love life...i comfort others...i help to werk tings out in their relationship...be their listening ear... wif advices...make them happy...but hipocracy does live in me... irony bestowed upon me.. juxtaposition stays wif me... as wadeva i advice to others.. cn neva ever be put into practice for my ownself cos it neva ever werks out..n im too scared to hurt ppl hu luv me... its so0o much easier to hurt sum1 tt u do not noe..

on a happy note...bbq was a blast...i fell twice... in frt of huge grp of i dunnoe might be gd looking guys...hahahaha its too dark i wasnt sure... but it was worth the fal...cos it was Fun..wif a capital F... i mean... wad cn be more fun then havg ur best grrl frens wif u..together wif ur best guy frens... hahah..n to tink tt they r open to us now... is the greatest ting...hahahah.....frog hunting...n tt was d first day tt i touch a frog...n i didnt even noe i was tt brave..hahhha...

thx izzah n nad for hearing me out...nad stay strg ok... dun let them fool u...

izzah sry kcau mase2 ko dgn azizi....hahahahah...

fyza,syiqah n sammie.. i may not owaes b there for u... but u guys r owaes in my heart...

izzah n nad- house bunny

sottb-sottp... u get wad i mean..hahaha....

signing of..

purplemadness in nid of a new purple love n purple heart wif a pinch of purple bears n flowers to fill her new purple life.... all the changes in my life...still purple rmains in me... forever....

(and ni maknenye part aku dah mrepek)

x0x0...

hmm...

2008-08-19T06:55:00.001-07:00

ok lets see...

i noe ive nt been updating...very lazy..

niwaes to summarize my life wif my frens...the guys r alot closer to us nw...we r the maintain people....hahah..n badminton is our sport... training up to be national players...in our sleep...hhaha....

niwaes...just watch tis myl telemovie.. apa kata hati... a rendition of the english movie whereby the guy can hear wadeva the girl is tinking...but tis is the other way round... the gal can hear wadeva a man is itnkg....but the plot of it was making me tink... If love song is suppose to bout love y must it be sad n heartbreaking.. cos tts wad love is bout...happiness n sadness.... but if a gal love sum1 so0o0 much...tt he means evriting to her...sumtyms its so0o hard to blieve n trust him...tt is wad tt makes the rship fall apart...

but as much as she tries to blieve in him...it gets more difficult.....

im givg the last shot... after tis i really am gg to giv up..he is nice and all but my family dun seems to like him tt much... haiz... lame2 aku jadi anak dare tua kan kan kan...ahhah...kae selisih...

nad is gg tru wad i used to wen tru...nad keep urself strg kae... i am always here...izzah oso... just rmember...wif great companies..nth else matter.... im sure tt true luv is out der for u... btw...if he reallie is gg to be urs no matter wad...he is gg to come back to u...

izzah...i wish u n zizi will be togetha one dae...just give him tym kae....n u will sure hav the best tym of ur lyf......

i keep on tinkg of tt person..i dunnoe y...but i just hav to let it go...afterall...he must hav sum1 else nw....

hafashah..

2008-07-31T20:21:00.000-07:00

as the title says it all...

i dunnoe tryng to get to noe him more...yes i admit i have fallen for him.., a gangsta wif a soft heart.... hes very kinder bueno...... haha hard on the outside but it melts wen u bite into it..

as far as i noe him.. i lyk the way he is.. hes a softie to me... hajhaga.. lets just hope he is true...wadeva he tells me is true...

niwaes, i feel like im an elephant man...suffocated if i do the wrg tings...but luckily my gfs are all ard me... love all five of them lots...

and it burns...

2008-07-10T10:24:00.000-07:00

and it burns...

2008-07-10T09:24:00.000-07:00

yes it burns...

but my whole body shivers...

the heat travels like adrenaline... as it race from the heart straight to my eyes n to my whole body....

nevertheless it wont stop me from loving him...

Muhd Rahmad....a.k.a Hazwan....

ive dcided...

2008-07-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

i dcide to be patient n wait patiently...i waited for 1 yr.......we fought,lost cntact...cntact...gd terms...fought n gd terms again...even my family noes bout him...

Funny tings hav been happening lately... alot i mean...n alot of lesbian acts...hahaha...

kae shut up.. i nid to find jobs soon....

missing evrieone... n i sumtyms wish..tings wud sail much more smoother than nw...

love tis wk..

2008-07-03T23:42:00.000-07:00

Sch only for two daes...haha...

had a hell of a wk tis wk... i had two dates... Sobrie and Syed Ali...Sobrie maeb a hit off....but Syed ali... no no...But both..no sparkz... haiyo...

Niwaes...dyed my hair.. copper... but nw its red...haiyo.... izzah..haha dyed twice...aru klua..nad...wkakaka..jgn hrp satu color pon tkde...hahha... had fun..alot... two daes straight at my house...haha

planning for a dress outing wif the sottb next wk...hmm...wad shud i wear???

maeb cuttg my hair tmr... shud i??? i dunnoe.... hmm...hw???

which wud u choose.... meeting mat n minahs under the deck or banglas???

ehem ehem..wads ur ans?? hahaha....

Niwaes.. empty... tts wad i shall blog bout my feelings kae...

tts all....

2008-07-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

alot in my mind....

Why?? what?When?How??

All of this in my mind at this point of time.

n most ends wif a ?...

n bulk of it r on the opposite sex..

BUt...

there's only one question that is important..

WHY do I think TOO much????

Whatever it is..... Its not too late and its never too late for aniting...

birds flying high up in the sky

2008-06-28T03:14:00.000-07:00

I'm like a bird.... Flying high up in the sky...nth can stop me except for the thinnest string that is pulling me down to the ground...

I dun care wad others see me as..what ppl say bout me...the most important ting is that..im on the road to a new lyfe..a new me... Wadeva black marks tt i have created..or wadeva bad memories tt i went tru will be put bhind n will be locked n nt to tink of it in the present n in the future...let it b a lesoon for me to learn... n improve myself to b sum1 better...

new blog...new post...wont be updating tt much...

2008-06-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

Back to blogging.... but i tink as usual..will be lazy to update..n oso no one will noe bout tis blog..hehehhee will write more soon